Thursday, March 21, 2013

46 Reasons My Lesbian Might Be Freaking Out

I was inspired to write a post by this blog, shared by a Facebook friend with many children. I have no children, but a lot of these things sounded familiar.

The blog post was titled 46 Reasons My Three Year old Might be Freaking Out.

A surprising number of these reasons can also be applied to my 34 year old.

(I have italicized the crossover reasons, and underlined the most frequently encountered reasons)

This is by no means an exhaustive list.

1. Mouth Noises.

2. Marvin jumped elegantly off the couch and I wasn't watching.

3. Shuffling.

4. She's hungry and can't remember the word "hungry".

5. I'm talking to her.

6. I'm not talking to her.

7. Netflix is too slow.

8. I washed her shirt before it was dirty enough.

9. My icicle feet.

10. I ate the last _____.

11. Her water glass got put in the dishwasher before she was done with it.

12. I moved her ______.

13. I didn't text back immediately.

14. My breath smells like carcass. 

15. My feet smell like carcass.

16. Dishes aren't self-cleaning.

17. Things take too long to cook.

18. I forgot to tell Tinkle how cute she is.

19. She needs a hug and can't remember the word "hug".

20. Sniffling.

21. The dishwasher is loaded wrong.

22. Everything isn't fair.

23. I'm doing it wrong.

24. People at the gym are doing it wrong.

25. Massages have a time limit.

26. No more wine...

27. Letting the cat lick it clean isn't the same as washing it.

28. Other people's OUTSIDE VOICES.

29. There's a dog within a 70 mile radius.

30.  I recycled the box-fort she built for the cats.

31. Wrestling is not an acceptable conflict resolution method.

32. "Rock, paper, scissors" is not an acceptable conflict resolution method. Especially if you cheat.

33. Mumbling.

34. Not enough kittens.

35. We're out of Tofurkey.

36. I asked her a question.

37. Sharing.

38. Dirty baseboards.

39. Poop.

40. Chicken is gross.
41. Authority figures.

42. Her sock is on wrong.
43. The bedroom blinds are closed and it's stifling her soul.

44. Being perfect is difficult.

45. A balloon she got six months ago is missing.

46. She might be wrong. And has realized she might be wrong.

No comments:

Post a Comment