Thursday, November 22, 2012

Gaydar lessons...

Today I started writing about Marvin's recent near-death experience (hint: it involves Marvin's devoted moms administering feline enemas, and explains why I haven't posted in four days), but I decided to save it for later. 

Because something awkward keeps happening to me, and I don't know what to do about it.

I can tell she's gay by the way she eats french fries with a fork.

It wasn't happening before, because I used to have no Gaydar. Lisa has been coaching me, by subtly indicating with an agreed upon hand signal (a sneaky little 'L' sign) every time we see a female member of a sexual minority.

Now my girl Gaydar is improving, and I keep seeing other lesbians. It happens daily now...

I am walking down the street and I spot one.

The Gaydar goes off. 

We make eye contact.

And we both know that the other one is gay, and that makes us have something in common, even if we have nothing in common.

The ability to identify gayness is new and shiny to me, like a superpower I want to exercise.

And I'm all like "Hey! Hi! There's another one! Hey! I like ladies too! Wanna be my friend?" (usually I keep this part to myself).

The dilemma is this: do I wave, wink or say hellooo, simply because we are both part of sexual minority? Or do we ignore each other, because to acknowledge each other would be to acknowledge that homosexuality is still a thing that needs acknowledging???

I'm conflicted because I hate labelling (even if it is fun when I accurately label people).

 None of this would even be an issue if I was a genuinely friendly person who was used to making contact with strangers. But I'm naturally pretty reserved, and wouldn't say hello to random heterosexual strangers. And I like my behaviour to be consistent.

Also, my Gaydar is a work in progress. Sometimes, I am wrong. And then I end up smirking knowingly, waving and winking inappropriately at straight girls who are innocently going about their daily lives.

And St. John's isn't that big. Soon I could become known as that aggressive imported bisexual who goes around lecherously tipping her cap at married women.


All of this. Yes. That.

(I heart scrabble, only Lisa and I would be playing on our phones, because neither of us wants to clean up the letters after)

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