Monday, November 5, 2012

Lesbian Lovehandles

Filling out countless job applications and being a cat-caregiver/housewife is not a good fitness strategy. I've discovered that when I'm home, my primary procrastination strategy (when I need to finish writing cover letter version 50) is baking. And then since no one is home with me to eat the baking (except Marvin, who likes my gluten free pumpkin-pear muffins best), I am then responsible for consuming my creations. 

As I laid down on the bed in order to wriggle into my jeans this morning (cursing at the 'dryer' shrinking my pants...ahem) I caught a glimpse of my body in the mirror. Hmmm. When did that extra squishy bit decide to puff out proudly over my waistband?

Now, don't misunderstand what I'm getting at here. I have no serious complaints about my body, other than its refusal to digest gluten. I am perfectly content with the way it functions, and because it functions well, I am content with the way it looks. Most of the time. 

I say most of the time, because, after all, I am female. I have been bombarded by the media with brainwashing images of stick-insects disguised as ideals of femininity since before I could walk. And sometimes the rational me is overpowered by the brainwashed me. 

 During a previous relationship with a man, a moment like this morning's denim battle might have had me sighing and glowering as I went about my morning, feeling bloated and mildly discontent. Not lately, though. Lately it just doesn't seem that important. 

This morning, instead of feeling bad about myself, or feeling like I should eat less/exercise more (which I probably should) I just felt the same. There was no self-shaming impulse to be quashed. My only reaction was wishing I had a job so I could afford some bigger jeans. And I still felt attractive, and like I could rock those jeans. (Provided there was no sitting, and/or bending over involved) 

Do queer chicks have fewer body image issues? 

I don't know that many lesbians, and I haven't taken any surveys or done any research, but I do personally feel that there is a lessening of the pressure to conform to a certain body ideal once the male gaze is removed from the equation. The gay women I know are not the kind of people to stand in front of a mirror focusing on their cellulite, steeped in self-loathing. 

I am only speaking from my experience, and I know there are many women in heterosexual relationships who have completely healthy opinions about their bodies. I am happy to join them; while I have never had an unhealthy relationship with my body, it is a relief to feel so comfortable with myself now.

 And it's my birthday tomorrow, so bring on the gluten free doughnuts and birthday cake! Because Lisa is a hoarder (and by that I mean wonderfully prepared for every potential disaster, natural or otherwise) I have a whole bin full of technical fabrics at my disposal, so I can sew myself some new fleece windstopper pants to replace my jeans when I can no longer wriggle into them. She even has some in lime green. 

I'm SET.

I have lime green thermal polyester pants.
Because it's my birthday.

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