As I laid down on the bed in order to wriggle into my jeans this morning (cursing at the 'dryer' shrinking my pants...ahem) I caught a glimpse of my body in the mirror. Hmmm. When did that extra squishy bit decide to puff out proudly over my waistband?
Now, don't misunderstand what I'm getting at here. I have no serious complaints about my body, other than its refusal to digest gluten. I am perfectly content with the way it functions, and because it functions well, I am content with the way it looks. Most of the time.
I say most of the time, because, after all, I am female. I have been bombarded by the media with brainwashing images of stick-insects disguised as ideals of femininity since before I could walk. And sometimes the rational me is overpowered by the brainwashed me.
During a previous relationship with a man, a moment like this morning's denim battle might have had me sighing and glowering as I went about my morning, feeling bloated and mildly discontent. Not lately, though. Lately it just doesn't seem that important.
This morning, instead of feeling bad about myself, or feeling like I should eat less/exercise more (which I probably should) I just felt the same. There was no self-shaming impulse to be quashed. My only reaction was wishing I had a job so I could afford some bigger jeans. And I still felt attractive, and like I could rock those jeans. (Provided there was no sitting, and/or bending over involved)
Do queer chicks have fewer body image issues?
I don't know that many lesbians, and I haven't taken any surveys or done any research, but I do personally feel that there is a lessening of the pressure to conform to a certain body ideal once the male gaze is removed from the equation. The gay women I know are not the kind of people to stand in front of a mirror focusing on their cellulite, steeped in self-loathing.
I am only speaking from my experience, and I know there are many women in heterosexual relationships who have completely healthy opinions about their bodies. I am happy to join them; while I have never had an unhealthy relationship with my body, it is a relief to feel so comfortable with myself now.
And it's my birthday tomorrow, so bring on the gluten free doughnuts and birthday cake! Because Lisa is a hoarder (and by that I mean wonderfully prepared for every potential disaster, natural or otherwise) I have a whole bin full of technical fabrics at my disposal, so I can sew myself some new fleece windstopper pants to replace my jeans when I can no longer wriggle into them. She even has some in lime green.
|I have lime green thermal polyester pants.|
Because it's my birthday.